College in 3? Now it's Personal

Recently, I received a rather exuberant call from my oldest daughter, Brooke, a junior at USC. Apparently, she had just come back from a meeting with her college advisor and after careful review of her transcript and this year’s schedule of courses; it appears Brooke can graduate this spring. Meaning, she’s completed all of her graduation requirements in just 3 years. Now, while this was still surprising, it was not completely out of the blue and was even at some level downright logical and to be expected. Let me explain.

First off, this is not your ordinary college student. Yes, I know most people say that about their own “amazing” star of a child, especially here in South O.C., but just hear me out. This is not really so much a brag story, as an individual case of getting our kid through college at a private university and still managing to survive the financial, emotional and often rollercoaster ride of parenting a college student. Let’s start with her major; theatre. “What?” you might be thinking. Yes, theatre. In case you doubt that there are underlying foundations of truth in “stereotypes”, let me put your mind to rest, this blonde hair, blue eyed O.C. girl is going to be an actress. So we are told. Yes, there is a plan “B”, hotel concierge, of which she has some work experience at a local resort one summer. I’m not making this up. But, just for the record, I am not nor have I ever been connected to the Real Housewives of Orange County although my kids did go to the same high school as the sons and daughters of the aforementioned show. Enough said.

And just for the record, yes, we did spend a great deal of effort trying to convince Brooke to find a different major, explore other talents, develop other skills and or career goals, etc., (in which she sincerely did by writing for her college newspaper for 3 semesters, but I’m getting ahead of myself). Finally, we surrendered to the dream and encouraged her to attend a university in the LA area, get a degree in the field she is passionate about, make connections and then go follow her passion. Uh huh.

Now, I know I am a Career Guidance Specialist at a high school, which means I basically coach students for a living in their aspirations and career goals. I give assessments and advise on career and technical education opportunities for young adults and make a point to keep up with the latest trends in college admissions as well as the many other avenues of the career and college exploration in today’s rapidly changing and fragile economic conditions. So, if there is anything I have learned, it’s to try and help students figure out what they are naturally good at and then help them figure out how to make a living at it.

I rationalize to many a parent, if you really love what you do, you will work hard at it, right? So encourage your son or daughter to follow what they love. Time and maturity well help them to focus their career goals. Our job is to help them discover what they are able to do and help them develop a plan of attack. Is there a variety of ways to fulfill your career goals? Sure. It’s not all one path, but a variety of paths that can splinter off and take one in a variety of different directions. Very few parents I talk to are they themselves doing what they envisioned they would be doing when they were in high school. Heck, there’s a good percent of jobs out there now that weren’t even invented when the baby boomers were growing up. So I ask them, parents and students alike, what would you work harder at, something you merely enjoy or the thing you spend daydreams on? You get the idea. Funny thing though, I’ve seen kids that were once flunking out, find a career class that starts them on a road they start excelling in and magically, their other grades begin to perk up. Amazing what a little encouragement and success will do.

So, my husband and I acquiesced to the “dream”. We figured, at the college level, where multiple applications and auditions are required to even be considered for a college theatre program, the university selection was a weeding out process in an of its self. After all, if Brooke could compete at that level, where competition can be just as fierce as any Division I sports program, or dare I say it, real world audition, what the heck, let Brooke toss herself into the fray and see what happens. And so she did come senior year of high school and it was met with some success. Taking us to where we are today; junior year of college.

Before we continue, let me give an overview of Brooke as a student, past and present. Very bright, ambitious, verbal and dramatic (there’s that acting thing). Teachers over the years enjoyed her spunk, classroom input and sarcastic wit. She excelled in reading, critical thinking, the arts; as a singer, comedian and high school drama queen, (I kid not), a strong and expressive writer, and a great test taker. That’s the pros. The cons? Scatterbrained, homework was often considered optional, lacked organizational skills and lacked an ability to manage her overcommitted activities.

Personally¸ Brooke has the capacity to be a fierce competitor, a heart and passion for social justice (doesn’t every actor have a cause?) deep religious convictions, sarcastic wit and an overall strong willed child. Essentially, she was 4 kids rolled into one, and a quirky one at that. She was both a joy and at the same time exhausting to raise. A parental rollercoaster of a ride that left my husband and I exhilarated on the one hand and at same time wanting to stop the ride and get off. She made us proud, but anxious and often frustrated. She also made us laugh and her big and generous heart made us cry. There were many hours on my knees praying for guidance, mercy and just plain gratitude for the opportunity to be Brooke’s mom that challenged and grew me up right along with her.

Brooke spent her high school career taking Advanced Placement classes and a summer school community college class in amongst the plethora of all her extracurricular performance based activities and odd jobs. She took on leadership roles at many levels and was recognized for her achievements. She sailed through not only her SAT test, but also AP tests and garnered nearly a year’s worth of college credits before she attended her freshman year at USC. I proposed if she could graduate a semester early and cut us a financial break, we would be willing to help pay out the balance of a lease on her off campus apartment in LA while she tries to make it in the “biz”. It seemed like a good plan, and Brooke carefully followed her schedule and auditioned for every conceivable theatrical production at school. She landed a few small parts in student productions, a part with a cinema student’s short film and a School of Theatre role. Generally, she excelled in classes with a “B+” average overall, found herself a part time job on campus to help pay some of her bills at school, kept out of trouble by avoiding much of the big party scene on campus, enjoyed the college football games, wrote a column and several pieces and artistic reviews for the Daily Trojan and even became an Assistant Editor of the Lifestyle section for a semester.

Upon my urging Brooke applied to multiple scholarships, received a small one, took out Stafford loans to help pay for her education and even found time to volunteer at a local food pantry. She made good friends in her dorm and overcame a rather difficult roommate situation her freshman year. She bonded with her professors, sang in a choir, learned to cook her own meals and live on a budget. All in all, she “played” her part. And mind you, less you think the theatre major was a bogus and wimpy degree, it takes 60 units to fulfill the degree, that’s 10 to 15 more units than most degrees on campus require. Rehearsals often run late into the night and memorization of pages of dialogue, observing human idiosyncrasies and mimicking unfamiliar character traits are a partial list of academics these students master. Nope, it’s not engineering, architecture or pre-med, but would this student have remotely made it in any of those departments? I think not.

Beyond her education, Brooke’s college experience gave her necessary life skills and personal connections she will carry with her the rest of her life. College, my husband and I have believed, wasn’t just about getting a degree and getting a job (though that would all be good), it’s about growing up and going out and being who you were created to be; not only a worker but a contributing member of society. That’s Brooke, somebody that will make a difference and dare to take on the world and we believed she was worth the investment.

So, if she does indeed graduate this spring, saving us a tidy sum, do we owe her more than our debt of gratitude? Maybe the pink slip to the extra car she’s driven around for the last few years? After all, she is an unemployed actress, how else will she get to auditions? What does she need to get started and what is our obligation to help her? How far do we take it, or do we say, your gift was the education at a pricey elite school that most students could only dream about. Have I mentioned we have daughter #2 in college back east having recently started this past fall? A valedictorian that managed to turn in all her homework? One with a significant scholarship, but certainly not a full ride. Is she deserving of an extra “bonus” for her hard work? Will these kids ever get out of my checkbook? If I had known the price of their successes years ago, I might have nagged about turning in homework less!

Brooke’s early graduation may have been a bonus for her a few years back when she first was enrolling in said university, but that was before a recession has taken its toll, before I received a pay cut and Brooke’s dad had a drop off of clients and is weathering the worst business climate of his career. Now, it’s basically a downright necessity for Brooke to graduate early in order to educate Hilary, daughter #2. In as much, what if Brooke would like to stay the fall semester of what technically would be her senior year? Do we owe her that? Are there life lessons on campus she has still left to learn? She would probably take more theatre classes, some classes that are just for the heck of it, or possibly try to pick up a minor area of study. She mentioned, Near and Ancient Religious Studies with an emphasis in Archaeology. Ok, I might have to draw the line somewhere, unless she can get a gig as host for a history cable channel show dubbed, “The Singing Archeologist”. Ah yes, all that tuition money going to good use. Well, at least it was done in 3 years… hopefully.

Tip #1-- Simplfy!

Starting a college search? Keep your strengths and interests in mind.

This advice sounds rather basic, but surprisingly many students don't think about their college search this way. If you don't think about what you're good at, it's easy to become confused and feel completely overwhelmed when thinking about what to do with your life. In today's tough economy, it's just downright scary!

As a high school Career Guidance Specialist I suggest to almost every student, before you start pouring through mounds of college websites and countless glossy brochures, start first with a quick career assessment. It's alright to not know exactly what you want to do as a career, but by now, most high school students already know what they like and don't like to do; if you're a parent, I bet you've been getting this input for a while now from your teenager. The internet has countless of free career assessments that can be easily taken. The initially revealed options may not set one's heart on fire, yet anyway, but it might give some insight as to what would be a natural fit. There's a chance a young adult's future career hasn't even been invented yet, but a student can at least develop an idea of what area or "industry" might be a good fit. From there, cultivating some idea of what type of education or training would complement a career goal is now a small step in the right direction, versus a blind leap into the unknown.

So students, even if you think you know what you want to study or have a preconceived career goal in mind, just do an assesment to verify your ideas. You might be surprised at what turns up on an a simple test. Parents, go over your son or daughter's results. It's fascinating to see how much they might resemble their mom or dad in their strengths and interests. So go ahead, get started, then lauch the college search from there. I've chosen a local Community College in Orange County, CA (Saddleback Community College www.saddleback.edu) that has posted on their website their login information to the following career exploration site.www.careercruising.com type in Saddleback for username and 92692 for your password. Happy cruising!